On having children (maybe good for women only readers)
Hmmm... don't really know how to begin, blogging about something so personal.
I'm 33 years old and I never imagined myself not having children.
Like most young women I would picture myself, as an adult, with kids. I never questioned it much, just took it for granted that I would have kids one day.
I've always adored children and have always gotten along well with kids, from infancy to teenagers- I truly enjoy young people.
Now, when really recollecting, during my college years my thinking concerning child-bearing did temporarily change.
I remember talking with one of my high school friends by phone when I was around 23, at the time she was pregnant with her 2nd or 3rd child. We talked about kids and I said something like, "You don't feel strange having kids knowing there are more than 15,000 kids dying from hunger-related issues every single day in this world?"
I likely also mentioned the fact that there are around 6 billion people occupying the world, and that we are consuming too much and too many other species are being forced to the brink of extinction thanks to humankind. I'm pretty certain I threw that out there too. Recall this was during the peak of my 'well-informed, studied, well-versed, out to change the world' college years. ha.ha.
But I meant what I said. I still struggle with these startling facts. And likely always will.
My logical mind and logic itself, if you're open enough to accept it, makes it quite arguable that you as a woman, and me as a woman, can do more good for mankind and the planet as a whole when we're not distracted with raising a family.
When not focused on having and raising children you can completely dedicate yourself to fulfilling your own childhood dreams, your goals and ultimate purpose and destiny in this lifetime. And, yes, ladies, we do have purpose and destiny apart from bearing children and helping them figure out their dreams, goals and purpose.
"Most of us do not choose to have a family to better our world; generally it is to fulfill our own dreams and goals for happiness," states Dr. Booth when referring to a patient that's choosing the no-child path in her superb book, The Venus Week.
As a matter of fact this very book is what virtually slapped me in the head, saying- if you plan on having kids, you better start trying!
7 months ago I recall reading the startling statistics that a woman's chances of becoming pregnant decrease by an average of: 4-8 percent from ages 25-29, 15-19 percent from ages 30-34, 26-46 percent from ages 35-39 and a 95 percent decline for those 40 and over. I was pretty stunned.
As soon as my partner returned from a trip I explained these facts to him and said, "Are you ready to stop being careful?"
He said yes and, we haven't been careful ever since.
And... I'm on my period now.
This, to be honest, has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and I'm blogging on it to one- release and two- provide solace to other women in similar situations.
24 days of my 27 day cycle I'm doing well, not pondering the issue of having kids much. I'm living my life, feeling good overall and not worrying about this 'thing.'
However during those other 3 days or so (right before and at the commencement of my period) I'm pretty much a wreck. I feel sad, disappointed, confused, angst and kind of lost in my thoughts.
It sucks.
Thankfully I'm stronger than my feelings (usually) and I always get back to being 'o.k' and rational about the whole thing.
But it's quite perplexing and astonishing the difference between heart and mind concerning having kids. I can tell myself about the world being overpopulated, sit in traffic and think "damn we don't need any more people here!"
I can tell myself: you're lucky you can sleep 8 hours/night, you will age better without having kids since you won't be stressed worrying over them and sleep-deprived, you have more disposable income without having kids, you can live in a 1 bedroom apartment in South Beach, you can focus solely on saving pets' lives, your beautiful relationship with your partner always comes 1st since you don't have a kid in the mix, you can jump in your car and go places without strapping someone in, you can go to a bar at 11:00 p.m. for a beer if you like, you can go back to school, think of all of the happy, successful women without children (Oprah, Ashley Judd, Diane Sawyer, the late Mother Teresa and then the dozens of women you know personally... Cindy Hewitt, Melissa Sorokin, Candice Lavigne that are child-less and happy) but, when it comes right down to it, for me, instinct trumps all of this.
My gut, somewhere deep within me, yearns to experience motherhood. I cannot lie.
I know there's nothing physically 'wrong with me' or my partner. I've been told, by a doctor to not even begin to worry until 1 year has passed and even then it can take some couples years to conceive.
I personally know a woman that waited 4 years for the miracle of conception, another that had to wait 2 and a half, another that thought she couldn't get pregnant then did after 7 years, a handful of others that waited months, several others that became pregnant instantly. It's all across the board.
But like my friend Jodi said, "When you're ready, you're ready."
And that's so true. Once you decide you're ready, you want it to happen like right then because if it doesn't you can't help but worry a bit.
Many women have told me not to worry, to stay calm, that it will happen when it's meant to be.
I believe this.
Other women have said, "Well I got pregnant right away," or "I never even tried, hahahaha..." I know these women mean no harm but it stings a little to hear these comments.
It's similar to if I were to 'rub it in' that I have a great man, a healthy relationship- to a longing single friend. -It's very similar.
Getting to my true belief system, it goes something like this:
The tree doesn't ponder dropping seedlings, and whether they'll grow or die on the ground. It simply drops them.
The flower doesn't wonder if a bee will come pollinate, it simply exists, as a lovely flower.
The grass doesn't question whether or not it will rain today and replenish the soil. It is dying and living all at once in the soil in which it grows.
These beliefs come from my enlightened side and I can always go back to them. I do go back to them.
Lastly, quoting the great Kahlil Gibran,
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
I'm 33 years old and I never imagined myself not having children.
Like most young women I would picture myself, as an adult, with kids. I never questioned it much, just took it for granted that I would have kids one day.
I've always adored children and have always gotten along well with kids, from infancy to teenagers- I truly enjoy young people.
Now, when really recollecting, during my college years my thinking concerning child-bearing did temporarily change.
I remember talking with one of my high school friends by phone when I was around 23, at the time she was pregnant with her 2nd or 3rd child. We talked about kids and I said something like, "You don't feel strange having kids knowing there are more than 15,000 kids dying from hunger-related issues every single day in this world?"
I likely also mentioned the fact that there are around 6 billion people occupying the world, and that we are consuming too much and too many other species are being forced to the brink of extinction thanks to humankind. I'm pretty certain I threw that out there too. Recall this was during the peak of my 'well-informed, studied, well-versed, out to change the world' college years. ha.ha.
But I meant what I said. I still struggle with these startling facts. And likely always will.
My logical mind and logic itself, if you're open enough to accept it, makes it quite arguable that you as a woman, and me as a woman, can do more good for mankind and the planet as a whole when we're not distracted with raising a family.
When not focused on having and raising children you can completely dedicate yourself to fulfilling your own childhood dreams, your goals and ultimate purpose and destiny in this lifetime. And, yes, ladies, we do have purpose and destiny apart from bearing children and helping them figure out their dreams, goals and purpose.
"Most of us do not choose to have a family to better our world; generally it is to fulfill our own dreams and goals for happiness," states Dr. Booth when referring to a patient that's choosing the no-child path in her superb book, The Venus Week.
As a matter of fact this very book is what virtually slapped me in the head, saying- if you plan on having kids, you better start trying!
7 months ago I recall reading the startling statistics that a woman's chances of becoming pregnant decrease by an average of: 4-8 percent from ages 25-29, 15-19 percent from ages 30-34, 26-46 percent from ages 35-39 and a 95 percent decline for those 40 and over. I was pretty stunned.
As soon as my partner returned from a trip I explained these facts to him and said, "Are you ready to stop being careful?"
He said yes and, we haven't been careful ever since.
And... I'm on my period now.
This, to be honest, has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and I'm blogging on it to one- release and two- provide solace to other women in similar situations.
24 days of my 27 day cycle I'm doing well, not pondering the issue of having kids much. I'm living my life, feeling good overall and not worrying about this 'thing.'
However during those other 3 days or so (right before and at the commencement of my period) I'm pretty much a wreck. I feel sad, disappointed, confused, angst and kind of lost in my thoughts.
It sucks.
Thankfully I'm stronger than my feelings (usually) and I always get back to being 'o.k' and rational about the whole thing.
But it's quite perplexing and astonishing the difference between heart and mind concerning having kids. I can tell myself about the world being overpopulated, sit in traffic and think "damn we don't need any more people here!"
I can tell myself: you're lucky you can sleep 8 hours/night, you will age better without having kids since you won't be stressed worrying over them and sleep-deprived, you have more disposable income without having kids, you can live in a 1 bedroom apartment in South Beach, you can focus solely on saving pets' lives, your beautiful relationship with your partner always comes 1st since you don't have a kid in the mix, you can jump in your car and go places without strapping someone in, you can go to a bar at 11:00 p.m. for a beer if you like, you can go back to school, think of all of the happy, successful women without children (Oprah, Ashley Judd, Diane Sawyer, the late Mother Teresa and then the dozens of women you know personally... Cindy Hewitt, Melissa Sorokin, Candice Lavigne that are child-less and happy) but, when it comes right down to it, for me, instinct trumps all of this.
My gut, somewhere deep within me, yearns to experience motherhood. I cannot lie.
I know there's nothing physically 'wrong with me' or my partner. I've been told, by a doctor to not even begin to worry until 1 year has passed and even then it can take some couples years to conceive.
I personally know a woman that waited 4 years for the miracle of conception, another that had to wait 2 and a half, another that thought she couldn't get pregnant then did after 7 years, a handful of others that waited months, several others that became pregnant instantly. It's all across the board.
But like my friend Jodi said, "When you're ready, you're ready."
And that's so true. Once you decide you're ready, you want it to happen like right then because if it doesn't you can't help but worry a bit.
Many women have told me not to worry, to stay calm, that it will happen when it's meant to be.
I believe this.
Other women have said, "Well I got pregnant right away," or "I never even tried, hahahaha..." I know these women mean no harm but it stings a little to hear these comments.
It's similar to if I were to 'rub it in' that I have a great man, a healthy relationship- to a longing single friend. -It's very similar.
Getting to my true belief system, it goes something like this:
The tree doesn't ponder dropping seedlings, and whether they'll grow or die on the ground. It simply drops them.
The flower doesn't wonder if a bee will come pollinate, it simply exists, as a lovely flower.
The grass doesn't question whether or not it will rain today and replenish the soil. It is dying and living all at once in the soil in which it grows.
These beliefs come from my enlightened side and I can always go back to them. I do go back to them.
Lastly, quoting the great Kahlil Gibran,
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
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