Surrender to Motherhood, Sometimes it's Hard

Revised 01-10-18

Give in.
Surrender.
You're a mom and that's that.
Your son is almost 3 years old.
He is your full time job, more than that actually since your days begin around 8:30 a.m. and end around 11:30 p.m., with a 2 hour nap somewhere in the middle. And around 1:30 a.m. he wakes up every night to get in bed with you and doesn't allow room so much as to turn over comfortably.
It's a lot of fun.
Truly it is, sometimes.
Sometimes it's not.

Oftentimes you feel guilty.
You feel guilty for trying to fold laundry, do dishes, prepare meals in between playing with your kid.
You feel guilty for being distracted in your mind at times when you two are playing, thinking things like, "shit I've got to get dressed and get him dressed to get out the door by 11:00 a.m."
Playing with him is the greatest but it's a challenge to not be distracted with other household duties when you two are playing. The household chores never end.

Sam napping

For this reason it's crucial he and you go places together, like to the pool, or science center so you're somewhere that's meant for play and interaction, and there's no laundry to fold or dishes to wash.
You love your boy so much.
You'd give your life for him without thinking twice.
But sometimes he drives you bonkers.
Sometimes he whines, screams and even hits.
He's almost 3 and has nearly an adult-sized-brain (kids' brains grow fast), real emotions and is equipped with a little kid's ability to handle those emotions.

Sam bathing

You can remind yourself of that now. Right now he's at your mother's so you can get an hour break. It's difficult to remind yourself of that when he's screaming at you, red in the face, for merely turning off his YouTube kids video.
He wants to look at pictures of carnage toys on the internet several times a day. You find this cute and interesting but, at times, annoying.
You have to act interested in the carnage toys over and over. 
You point out the different styles, hand attachments, el señor abajo de la máscara de Carnage, many times a day.
He's so enthusiastic about this particular toy right now. You feel it's your duty to support your kid's interests, as long as it's something that doesn't harm him of course.

The reasons this post started with the words, 'give in' and 'surrender' are these:

Sam out to eat with me

You, Jessica, try to multitask: you work part time as a dog walker and run a small Etsy shop. Every time you try to accomplish something, you're abruptly reminded- you cannot. You can, to a certain degree but, you do not have hours a day to work on business activities, or any activities for that matter, for yourself. It's all about your child and household duties for now.

And, time for your husband? Time alone with him? Ha. You get that a couple hours a week, tops. Once you get time alone (like this hour) you each have our own stuff to do.
Time for friends? Ha. That's even less. You have very close to zero social life which is depressing.
You miss the city where you lived before you had your child.
You miss speaking Spanish daily at work.
You miss having a life of your own that didn't revolve only around caring for a toddler.
You're a mom. A full time mom. You can't do much of anything else at this stage of the game.

But this is what you wanted. You longed for a baby. You yearned for motherhood. You have a healthy, happy, funny, beautiful boy and a wonderful husband. So shut up and be happy.
-Surrender-
Everything else is on hold for a while.
Come to terms with that. 
Savor the moment, for everyone tells you: it's fleeting and one day you'll miss it. 

Sam and I enjoying a smoothie

Author's Note: Now Sam is nearly 4 years old and things are easier in a way and more challenging in a way. I weaned Sam off nursing at 3 years old. At that time he stopped napping. There was an adjustment period but, overall, this has been great for us. Now he goes to bed by 8:30-9:00 nightly and sleeps til around 8:00 a.m. This equals more alone time for me and my partner (awesome)! 

However with an older toddler comes more back-talking, resistance and rebellion. At least that's what we've been dealing with over the past several weeks so... as experienced parents will tell you, "it's always something!" 

But the joy of seeing a human being come from nothing, then grow into his or her own amazing person is worth every challenge along the way. 

Motherhood is one of the greatest gifts life has given me.