Easing Tension Between Your Boss and You; How to Deal with Difficult Supervisors
One of my little sisters recently moved to Nashville, TN., and, she's not happy with her managers or co-workers at her job there.
"They're rude. They don't even try to be friendly," she texted one afternoon.
So, here you go Maria, and anyone that's plagued with a burdensome boss.
I admire my husband so much. He's not someone that wants to 'run the show.' He doesn't feel a need to supervise. This is part of what makes him an exceptional worker- he has never had conflict with anyone on the management team at his company.
He even worked for one manger for a while that had a reputation as being difficult.
"He expects you to work hard and stays on you more than other managers," my husband told me one evening, "But that doesn't bother me."
He's a good, smart, hard worker, but I believe most of us are, or have the potential to be. But, many people that are good, smart, hard workers still have problems with their bosses.
It's something else... unrelated to being a great worker. I've even seen companies lose their best workers because of poor management skills.
Don't worry, we're not going to make this about what the managers should be doing differently... after all, in most cases we have little control over how managers and bosses manage. This blog focuses on what you, as an employee, can do to become more agreeable (or at least seemingly more agreeable) in the workplace.
Unlike my husband, I do have a desire to 'run the show.' It's in my DNA and has caused problems for me with former employers.
My passionate go-all-out attitude and intense determination have actually cost me promotions, more than once.
I suffered a lot when working for other people, always with a feeling that I couldn't fully spread my wings within the organizations for which I worked.
My intense energy oftentimes wasn't appreciated by management staff.
It was, however, always appreciated by those I served and helped.
In writing now, I'm referring mostly to the time I spent working in the animal shelter world. I did and would have done anything to save a pet's life, whether it be personally delivering a foster pet to a foster parent, taking home a sick dog even though we already had four dogs in a one-bedroom apartment, or just giving it my all, every ounce of my being every single day to save lives. I would go into the shelter daily like a woman on a mission. -It was a feeling like no other.
However, I felt tension at times between Directors and me, and sometimes even had arguments with managers.
What I did figure out were some techniques to create a better feeling between my former supervisors and me. These helped me feel more confident and agreeable at work.
1.) Picture your boss as Santa Claus
On your way to work, imagine your boss as Santa, saying, "ho,ho,ho," beard, very jolly and all (this one helped me a lot at one of my former employer's!) -I would almost laugh out loud on my way to work, lovingly imagining the Director as Santa! It was perfect for him!
-You could picture him as any figure that makes you feel comfortable and happy, the sillier, the better!
2.) Great creative visualization tactic from Deepak Chopra:
You picture yourself looking at your boss, or whomever you wish to focus on, and say to him, while looking him straight in the eye, "I am a beautiful person. I am a wonderful person. I love myself exactly as I am." As you repeat these words, with confidence, you begin to see your boss's face relaxing, accepting with love and admiration, what you're saying as truth.
3.) Another great visualization:
Picture yourself in a parade, on top of a float, looking out at everyone, waving at everyone with love, compassion and humility. Everyone in the crowd admires and respects you, exactly as you are. No one is judging you. Everyone is humble and kind. In the crowd is your boss. Then you can picture yourself step down off the float and into the crowd, admiring others pass by, part of the group.
4.) Another great visualization:
You walk into a grand, open field and see people scattered around. Everyone is happy, enjoying life. Some are dancing, others laughing, some are making flower necklaces, etc. As you walk along, each person reaches out to hug you or shake your hand. You feel how joyous they are that you are there, among them to be happy and carefree too. You feel almost as if you're floating in this place of pure happiness, kindness and joyful living. And, you guessed it, throw your boss in the mix!
5.) Smile at your bosses and managers (sincerely!):
Each time you cross paths with your superiors, smile at them from your heart. See them as happy, joyful, loving people... bless them with joy each time you see them and I promise, this will start reflecting back onto you from them.
As for my sister, she opted to quit her job that was plagued with troublesome staff. She's happier at her new workplace now so, I guess, when all else fails... look for a new job!
"They're rude. They don't even try to be friendly," she texted one afternoon.
 |
| My sister Maria |
Dealing with not-so-easy-to-deal-with-bosses can be a struggle for anyone...
but I can only imagine emotions are multiplied when you're new to a city, know no one, and are only 21 years old... as is the case with my sister.
"I've dealt with boss issues too Maria. I discovered some techniques that helped me; I'll share soon!" I texted back.So, here you go Maria, and anyone that's plagued with a burdensome boss.
I admire my husband so much. He's not someone that wants to 'run the show.' He doesn't feel a need to supervise. This is part of what makes him an exceptional worker- he has never had conflict with anyone on the management team at his company.
He even worked for one manger for a while that had a reputation as being difficult.
"He expects you to work hard and stays on you more than other managers," my husband told me one evening, "But that doesn't bother me."
 |
| My husband, Fabricio, and son, Samuel |
Enough about Mr. Perfect Employee...
It's something else... unrelated to being a great worker. I've even seen companies lose their best workers because of poor management skills.
Don't worry, we're not going to make this about what the managers should be doing differently... after all, in most cases we have little control over how managers and bosses manage. This blog focuses on what you, as an employee, can do to become more agreeable (or at least seemingly more agreeable) in the workplace.
My Life Experience...
Unlike my husband, I do have a desire to 'run the show.' It's in my DNA and has caused problems for me with former employers.
My passionate go-all-out attitude and intense determination have actually cost me promotions, more than once.
I suffered a lot when working for other people, always with a feeling that I couldn't fully spread my wings within the organizations for which I worked.
My intense energy oftentimes wasn't appreciated by management staff.
It was, however, always appreciated by those I served and helped.
In writing now, I'm referring mostly to the time I spent working in the animal shelter world. I did and would have done anything to save a pet's life, whether it be personally delivering a foster pet to a foster parent, taking home a sick dog even though we already had four dogs in a one-bedroom apartment, or just giving it my all, every ounce of my being every single day to save lives. I would go into the shelter daily like a woman on a mission. -It was a feeling like no other.
 |
| Pic of random 'woman on a mission' |
However, I felt tension at times between Directors and me, and sometimes even had arguments with managers.
That's not exactly how you 'climb the ladder' within your workplace...
If you want to know how to do that, read a different blog... I haven't figured it out... yet!What I did figure out were some techniques to create a better feeling between my former supervisors and me. These helped me feel more confident and agreeable at work.
The techniques eased work-related-anxiety for me and they're easy for anyone to use.
They are as follows:
1.) Picture your boss as Santa Claus
On your way to work, imagine your boss as Santa, saying, "ho,ho,ho," beard, very jolly and all (this one helped me a lot at one of my former employer's!) -I would almost laugh out loud on my way to work, lovingly imagining the Director as Santa! It was perfect for him!
-You could picture him as any figure that makes you feel comfortable and happy, the sillier, the better!
2.) Great creative visualization tactic from Deepak Chopra:
You picture yourself looking at your boss, or whomever you wish to focus on, and say to him, while looking him straight in the eye, "I am a beautiful person. I am a wonderful person. I love myself exactly as I am." As you repeat these words, with confidence, you begin to see your boss's face relaxing, accepting with love and admiration, what you're saying as truth.
3.) Another great visualization:
Picture yourself in a parade, on top of a float, looking out at everyone, waving at everyone with love, compassion and humility. Everyone in the crowd admires and respects you, exactly as you are. No one is judging you. Everyone is humble and kind. In the crowd is your boss. Then you can picture yourself step down off the float and into the crowd, admiring others pass by, part of the group.
4.) Another great visualization:
You walk into a grand, open field and see people scattered around. Everyone is happy, enjoying life. Some are dancing, others laughing, some are making flower necklaces, etc. As you walk along, each person reaches out to hug you or shake your hand. You feel how joyous they are that you are there, among them to be happy and carefree too. You feel almost as if you're floating in this place of pure happiness, kindness and joyful living. And, you guessed it, throw your boss in the mix!
5.) Smile at your bosses and managers (sincerely!):
Each time you cross paths with your superiors, smile at them from your heart. See them as happy, joyful, loving people... bless them with joy each time you see them and I promise, this will start reflecting back onto you from them.
As for my sister, she opted to quit her job that was plagued with troublesome staff. She's happier at her new workplace now so, I guess, when all else fails... look for a new job!
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